Good Morning!! I say that with tongue planted firmly in cheek. It’s not that its a bad morning, its just nothing special. Just another 24 hours to get through.
Everyday I go into the breach hoping to advance the ball…metaphorically. What I mean by that is I want something to improve. Sometimes its me physically (losing weight, eating better, working out), sometimes its me mentally (better self awareness, better habits, better outlook) and sometimes it is me socially (finding love/relationships…. whether they may be old or new, friendships or romantic). Increasingly I feel like I’m spinning my wheels. I am getting nowhere. I am moving five feet forward and sliding four feet back. Don’t get me wrong… some things ARE going well. My weight loss journey is going in the right direction…. I’ve lost almost 40 pounds over the last few months. I feel healthier. Overall though, I feel stagnant. I feel like I’m in some perpetual holding pattern. In life…in love… I’m not sure… but it is a pervasive feeling. Through conversations with others and some self-reflection- I think it is a lack of consistency. To lose weight I’ve CONSISTENTLY eaten better and worked out. Mentally I have no consistency…. NONE. I don’t have a plan. I act and feel by the seat of my pants. I let my emotions rule my thoughts. Those thoughts, while mostly benign or upbeat, can veer sharply occasionally into a pit of self-doubt.
I really think I need to find a way to exercise my mind and my mental outlook…. I’m not sure what I will do…. go to church more, read, journal, talk (maybe not… I think I talk TOO MUCH), Listen, meditate…. I don’t know. But what I do know is I need something…. I NEED CONSISTENCY from myself and for myself.